You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. — Marcus Aurelius
As I continue my journey, I’m convinced that Marcus Aurelius’ statement is true. I continue to find strength and appreciation for each day.
Waiting and Scanxiety
It’s hard to believe that I haven’t updated my journey since January. I was waiting for scan results with a full-blown case of scanxiety. As the song goes, “The waiting is the hardest part.”
Here it is, months later, as I await the results of my April scan. I again have a case of scanxiety. The January scan results were good, but not as good as I hoped. No progression, but for the first time since this journey began, there wasn’t a decrease in size in any of the tumors. I’m stable, and stable is good. Over the past several months, my cancer tumor markers have been slowly creeping up. So will this be the scan that shows progression? It’s been almost two weeks since my scan; it’s the waiting, the wondering, and the what-ifs.
If there is progression, I know there are many, many more treatment options available. But one day, I will run out of options. And when that day comes, never say “she lost her battle with metastatic breast cancer.” This is an unwinnable battle that can’t be won for now. I won’t be the loser; cancer will be the loser. Cancer can only live as long as I live. When I die, the cancer dies with me. So, haha, cancer, you lose! My hope beyond this life is assured.
— Brandi
You can help.
